In our modern world, we can be quick to throw around labels. But not every person who shuts down, struggles to apologize, or pulls away in relationships is a narcissist. In this episode, Sarah uses parts work to break down what narcissism actually looks like, how these strong protective parts develop, and why they seek out codependent dynamics.
Sarah goes on to explain the difference between being a narcissist and having an avoidant attachment. While they can sometimes appear similar from the outside, avoidant partners have a deep desire for connection but often push it away out of self-protection. Listen in for a nuanced understanding of attachment wounding and how to find clarity on your own relational dynamics.
Episode Highlights:
• [00:00] Introduction
• [00:51] Difficult behaviors don’t always indicate narcissism
• [03:15] Understanding the origins of narcissism
• [07:54] Why narcissists often seek out codependent partners
• [11:50] Repair, ownership, and empathy
• [17:39] Common traits associated with narcissism
• [19:41] Why you can’t heal someone else’s narcissistic part
• [22:08] Healing changes your baseline for love
• [25:30] The difference between avoidant attachment and narcissism
• [28:20] Why avoidantly attached people want connection and push it away
• [31:08] Building capacity for closeness, connection, and intimacy
• [34:14] Using your adult self to distinguish narcissism from avoidant attachment
• [35:28] Question 1 - How do I heal when family dynamics pull me back into old roles?
• [50:24] Question 2 - Is my partner wrong for me if they remind me of a narcissistic parent?
• [01:02:43] Question 3 - Is my nervous system reacting to old trauma or something truly unsafe?
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Quotes:
“When we are in dynamics with a narcissist, we'll notice that there really is no capacity to properly repair.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:11:52]
“[Narcissists] are unwilling to see reality in any other way than they see reality.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:12:14]
“The more that we heal, here's the beautiful thing that happens: I change my baseline for what love is.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:24:19]
“An avoidant attachment is absolutely and completely something that can be healed. Full stop.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:31:07]
“What we have to do, if we have an avoidant attachment, is build our capacity for connection, co-regulation, closeness, attunement, intimacy, being exposed, being seen, and being known.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:31:51]