Putting other people on a pedestal or becoming infatuated may seem harmless, but when you do that, you actually disempower yourself. So why do so many of us find ourselves idealizing other people in our lives, from friends and colleagues to romantic partners? The answer lies in your nervous system and protective parts. They believe that if the most perfect person can choose you, then that means you’re lovable.
In this episode, Sarah breaks down the origins of idealization and infatuation, showing how these patterns are rooted in unresolved experiences and protective strategies. She explains why infatuation is not love, but a survival response that pulls you out of your adult self and into fantasy. Sarah shares what it takes to shift these dynamics through reparenting and parts work, so you can move from survival-based patterns into grounded, mutual connection.
Episode Highlights:
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Quotes:
“Our system is essentially saying: If I can be chosen by the best person, or the most perfect person, or the shiniest penny, then maybe that means I’m lovable.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:01:38]
“[Idealization and infatuation] occurs when we've had a younger part of us who wasn't chosen, who was abandoned, or who experienced love from a conditional place.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:01:54]
“Someone who has done their work and is healthy in a relationship—they don't want to be put on a pedestal. Because when you're put on a pedestal, you are not actually seen and known.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:08:39]
“Adult love is not infatuation.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:26:46]
“When you actually love from Adult you, you are deeply able to take in the wholeness of that person.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:27:27]