Regret can be painful, especially when you look back at relationships you pushed away or opportunities you let slip by. But it’s often only after something is over that you begin to truly understand what happened and find yourself wishing you'd made different choices. In this episode, Sarah explores why we sometimes sabotage the very things we want most, and why blaming ourselves afterward only deepens the pain. She explains how nervous system dysregulation and protective parts can shape our behavior, making it difficult to recognize these patterns while we're caught up in them.
Reflecting on her own experiences of pushing people away, Sarah unpacks how understanding the younger parts behind our decisions can help us replace self-punishment with compassion. She also discusses the importance of grieving what we've lost or never received, using the metaphor of pruning a rosebush to show how loss can make room for new growth. Listen in to discover how understanding your past can help you move beyond regret and open yourself to the life still waiting for you.
Episode Highlights:
• [00:00] Introduction
• [00:49] How regret can keep you stuck in shame and self-blame
• [07:52] Why regret usually happens after an experience ends
• [12:17] Sarah's experience of pushing away people who tried to love her
• [15:10] Understanding the protective parts behind self-sabotage
• [20:13] How younger protective parts can drive decisions you later regret
• [24:28] Exploring the protective patterns behind your own regrets
• [29:07] Reparenting your younger parts with compassion
• [38:15] Why grieving the past makes room for new experiences
• [43:08] Question 1 - How do I heal shame and regret over decisions I made because of childhood trauma?
• [48:54] Question 2 - How do I keep believing in the life I want when healing takes so long?
• [55:05] Question 3 - Does somatic completion need to be repeated to fully resolve trauma?
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Quotes:
“I spent the majority of my life, unfortunately, pushing away the people that tried to love me the most.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:12:47]
“There are protective parts of you whose sole job is to ensure that the vulnerable part they protect never, ever, ever experiences the pain you experienced in the past again.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:15:50]
“[Your protective parts] don't want to blow up your life. They don't want to make things fall apart for you. They most certainly don't want you to miss opportunities in your life.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:22:42]
“Remember, it's not adult you doing [these things]. It's a younger part that is just trying to protect a vulnerable part of you.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:24:19]
“I'm walking you through this because I want you to actually feel the empathy for your younger parts and what you've been doing unintentionally to them.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:32:23]
“Grief means being with what was and also what never was, which makes room for what can be.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:39:20]