You Make Sense

Why We Choose the Partners We Choose

Episode Summary

Ever wonder why you keep choosing the same kind of partners? Sarah breaks it all down in this episode. She’s going to teach you how your nervous system is the one doing the matchmaking, drawing on your early childhood experiences to inform the way you show up in your adult relationships. Whether it’s romantic partnerships, friendships, or work dynamics, you’ll learn how to begin changing old patterns that no longer serve you. Many of us choose our partners out of a need for survival rather than from a place of choice. Sarah will give you powerful somatic tools to begin creating a new internal baseline for what love is, so that you can transform your relationships and step toward the secure attachments you’re desiring.

Episode Notes

Ever wonder why you keep choosing the same kind of partners? Sarah breaks it all down in this episode. She’s going to teach you how your nervous system is the one doing the matchmaking, drawing on your early childhood experiences to inform the way you show up in your adult relationships. Whether it’s romantic partnerships, friendships, or work dynamics, you’ll learn how to begin changing old patterns that no longer serve you.

Many of us choose our partners out of a need for survival rather than from a place of choice. Sarah will give you powerful somatic tools to begin creating a new internal baseline for what love is, so that you can transform your relationships and step toward the secure attachments you’re desiring.

Episode Highlights

00:00 Intro

00:17 Why We Choose the Partners that We Choose

03:30 Your Early Childhood Experiences Lay the Blueprint

07:30 The Threat Detector Picks Up On Subtle Cues

10:16 Love From Choice or Love From Survival?

14:39 Healthy Love Isn’t Infatuation

19:21 Creating an Internal Secure Attachment

21:25 Our Reactions Always Match Some Circumstance

27:29 Developing the Ability for Self-Regulation

31:43 We Can be a Combination of Different Attachment Styles

37:00 Building Connection When Feeling Isolated

Take Sarah’s FREE Quiz:

Ready to learn more about your nervous system specific to you? Take Sarah’s free quiz, “What’s Keeping You Stuck?”, for personalized tools to regulate your nervous system and step toward the life you’re desiring. Get started below.

https://bit.ly/yms-sp-quiz

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Website - https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/

Important Keywords:

• Autonomic Nervous System - The body’s internal network that controls responses to stimuli and regulates our experiences of safety, fear, and connection. In the context of relationships, it drives automatic reactions based on past experiences stored in our internal "database."
• Neuroception - A subconscious process through which the nervous system detects safety or threats in our environment. It plays a key role in determining who we are drawn to in relationships, often based on past relational patterns.
• Attachment - Refers to the emotional bond we form with others, shaped by early relationships, particularly with caregivers. Our attachment style influences how we relate to others.
• Parts Work - A therapeutic process focused on identifying and healing the different "parts" of ourselves that were wounded in the past. It helps us reparent those parts and create internal safety, allowing us to make healthier relationship choices.
• Internal Safety - The feeling of security and stability that comes from within, rather than from external validation or relationships. Cultivating internal safety helps reduce anxiety and allows for more balanced, healthy relationships.
• Healing Work - The ongoing process of addressing past traumas and emotional wounds to create lasting change in our relational patterns and lives.
• Relationship Patterns - Recurring behaviors and dynamics that emerge in our relationships, often based on unresolved past experiences. Recognizing and changing these patterns is key to fostering healthier connections.