You Make Sense

Why We Feel the Need to Control and How to Actually Let Go

Episode Summary

Why does it feel so urgent to keep everything tidy and on schedule, and why is it so hard to let go, even when you are exhausted? In this episode, Sarah explores why so many of us turn to control as a way to maintain safety, and how this pattern is rooted not in personality flaws, but in a dysregulated nervous system doing its best to protect itself.

Episode Notes

Sarah explains how experiences of chaos, misattunement, and trauma leave the nervous system feeling unsafe, and how control becomes a brilliant survival strategy. She delves into the more subtle versions of control that go unnoticed because they look “responsible” on the surface, and what is actually needed to begin relaxing your grip.

She also explores how regulating the nervous system and connecting with our adult self changes our relationship to our homes, bodies, partners, work, and timelines, and why true surrender is never about “just let go,” but about having somewhere safe inside to land. Join Sarah for tangible tools to experience your life with more freedom and ease.

Episode Highlights:

• [01:49] Everyday examples of control that often go unnoticed
• [04:13] Why lacking internal safety puts the nervous system into “autopilot”
• [06:19] Sarah’s personal story of over-achievement and OCD as forms of control
• [09:30] The link between controlling our environment and trying to manage internal chaos
• [12:00] Discover the obvious and subtle ways people try to self-control
• [14:15] How controlling behaviors show up in relationships
• [17:50] The ways in which we try to control our purpose
• [20:01] Tools to help you let go and actually surrender
• [28:00] Question 1 - Overcoming chaos as a new parent
• [34:15] Question 2 - Rescuing others as a means of avoidance
• [37:15] Question 3 - Health anxiety and the nervous system

Join the Waitlist for Navigating Your Nervous System:

Living a full, expansive life starts with nervous system regulation. If you’re looking for practical tools and support on your healing journey, you can now get on the waitlist for my upcoming 6-week LIVE program.

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Quotes:

“The level of protection that [the nervous system] will do, in terms of controlling, will be dependent on the level of out of control we experience inside.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:06:33]

“I cannot let go if I don’t have safety inside, so what we have to do is to create internal safety. We do this through regulation of our nervous system.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:20:39]

“Your external world is a representation of your internal world.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:21:24]

“We have to show, not tell, our nervous system and our protective parts that it is safe to let go. It is safe to surrender.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:22:37]